We had a code red situation in our house last week. The TBox remote control broke. When I say broke I mean a cup of water was poured over it by one of two suspects. Our house (the adult half of the house) was thrown into a blind panic – no ABC4Kids until the remote was replaced. I told the guilty parties this but I don’t think they could understand the gravity of the situation. So I gave it to them in no uncertain terms – no Fireman Sam. Now we adults all know that I could quite easily produce Fireman Sam in the form of a DVD or via a streaming site. I wanted the boys to learn a lesson about caring for our belongings, and I was at the end of my rope with spilt drinks in the lounge room – accidental or otherwise.
There I was, casually skimming through the world news in the highly reputable (snigger, snigger) Daily Mail when I came across this toe curling article. A musician woman, by the name of Sia (you may have heard of her) has reached number 1 in the music charts with her hit ‘Cheap Thrills’. Yes, yes, so what? The point of this article dear reader was the flabbergasting fact that Sia is 40. MIDDLE AGED. What right does she have to be in the charts? And what’s more, no other old person has done so since Madonna at the age of 43 had a number 1 hit with ‘Music’, approximately 16 years ago.
Funnily enough, the song was written for, and rejected by, someone who is pretty famous and young – Rhianna. Too bad Rhi Rhi! Sia smashed it. Someone older and wiser, more experienced and talented aced it! Wait, do people still say that – aced it? Read more
Why are you so tired? It takes enormous strength from deep within to make sure my head doesn’t propel in a disturbing exorcist style when these innocent words are spoken. A little crazy? Maybe. A little OTT? Possibly. Let me tell you though, nothing good comes of these five words. They have a power to unleash some serious unpleasantness.
Fatigue you monstrous beast, we meet again. Actually you have never gone away, only lain waiting in the shadows, ready to pounce on my weary being and ferociously suckle the energy from body. Oh wait, that’s the kids.
These school holidays at home have been magical. Wait, what?
Hear me out.
Term 1 was TOUGH. And long. Tough and long. Looking back it was a blur of bell ringing, sandwich cutting, soaking, washing, and routine learning. And magic words, so many magic words. So when the final bell rang to announce the official end of term 1 and the completion of the first term of kindergarten, I was hooning up the highway to a girl’s weekend away with a couple of other mums. Obviously. Burnt out and wrung out, we needed a quiet weekend away to get ready for the SCHOOL HOLIDAYS. Read more
NASA says… ‘Black holes are made when the centre of a very big star falls in upon itself, or collapses’. Um, OK. Like how does a big star fall in upon itself? And they also said that ‘scientists think supermassive black holes were made at the same time as the galaxy they are in.’ Uh huh. Black holes occupy a space in my mind where negative gearing can be found. I know they exist but it is BAFFLING. Worm holes are much easier for my average performing brain to understand. ‘A wormhole is a theoretical passage through space-time that could create shortcuts for long journeys across the universe.’ (space.com) Very handy, like the transit lane in peak hour. Hans and Chewy made regular use of the space express lanes. But be warned, ‘wormholes bring with them the dangers of sudden collapse, high radiation and dangerous contact with exotic matter.’ Wait, exotic matter? Exciting! Definitely worth taking the short cut to find out what that is. Read more
WARNING: Fluff and unintelligent content ahead. Read at your own risk.
The world did not end. There was no press conference. I didn’t have to formally notify in writing the young and cool people that I was no longer in the mix. And when I stepped over that invisible threshold in to MIDDLE AGE it didn’t appear on the evening news. I still have all my faculties (mostly) and I have no more grey hairs than I had the day before when I was in my thirties. In fact, turning 40 was NO BIG DEAL. Wait, what? That’s right. NO BIG DEAL. In fact, now I am out the other side and writing from a place called MIDDLE AGED LAND, where the type is big and the chairs are comfy, I realise now I may have had a MENTAL BLOCK about turning 40. It’s true. I wasn’t approaching it gracefully, which I vowed to whoever was listening at the time, as the way I would tackle my impending old age. I have let myself down and, I have let MIDDLE AGED people everywhere down. It’s time to debunk some myths and shed some much needed light on the mysterious and torturous beast that is turning 40. Wait, I mean the wonderful privilege that is turning 40. Read more